Just how the Water Flows

09Jul13

No matter how many times it happens, I still struggle when things change. When the dynamic between friends is altered, I always think it is something I did. I internalize and stress over what I did or could have done and how I can make them happy again. That damn people pleaser side…

But if people don’t tell you, how are you supposed to know? If you ask and they say “nothing” but continue to act in a passive aggressive way, how are you to read between the lines?

How many times can you ask and be concerned just to be shot down and shut out? After awhile it becomes too exhausting and painful. And I’m getting over the emotional roller coaster. Friendships are not supposed to be this tumultuous.

I am slowly starting to realize that it is just how the water flows. I can’t predict or change how others act, just how I love my life. If I am happy, that’s all that matters. I’m not going to continue walking on eggshells for your approval.

I never understood the need to make your friends prove they are worthy of your friendship. Or make them jump through hoops to prove they are important enough to confide in. Especially when at one point in time they were.

There are only so many times I am going to fight for the friendship before the ball is in your court. There are only so many ways I can say “I am here for you” and continue to get shut out. I am here and will be there for you in a heartbeat, but I’m not begging to be there anymore. If you need me, you know where to find me.

Am I sad by these changes? Absolutely! Are they my fault or could I have done something differently? Absolutely not.

I’m still struggling with that last part…

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