Locking It Up

06Feb14

Guys, I made really good progress last year. I lost more weight than I ever had in the past. I was feeling really good about myself, wearing things I would have never worn before and gaining the self-confidence I was always lacking.

And then I let it all go. I got lazy. I stopped tracking and started snacking. Exercise fell to the wayside. A little here and a little there didn’t hurt. Until it did. Almost a year after I took off the weight, I have gained every pound back. I will fully admit I am ashamed in myself. I promised myself I would not get back here. I convinced myself that the extra pound or two was water weight. I fooled myself into thinking that the scale would just automatically start going back down.

This isn’t the heaviest I have ever been. In the overall weight loss saga I have managed to keep most of it off. But I have tasted victory and I let it slip away with one too many french fries.

The realization happened the other night. My clothes were feeling slightly tighter but I wasn’t overly concerned about it. I’m still blaming the holiday weight not coming off yet. Then I tried on the bridesmaid dress I am supposed to wear in May and it would not zip all the way. I was mortified. I had a feeling the dress would be a little tight in the bust, but I never imagined it would straight up not fit.

I panicked. And I have been panicking ever since. I don’t want to rely on the hope a seamstress might be able to let it out. I don’t want to have a bunch of clothes I can no longer wear. I don’t want to be that person who has a full wardrobe in every size.

Since then I have been contemplating my course of action. I did the diet pill twice and while I got really great results, it did nothing to change my eating habits once I stopped taking them. I relied on them to make me feel full so I wouldn’t eat as much. It would physically make me not hungry and I wouldn’t learn my own body cues. And once again I find myself struggling with maintenance.

I have decided to join Weight Watchers. I did it once in college and I had some success with it. College life (aka alcohol and junk food) ultimately won over though. And I don’t think I was fully ready to commit. Now that I am making my own meals and actually feel responsible for my own life, I think it is a better time for it. This will also teach J and me to eat better and change our entire eating lifestyle as opposed to just a temporary diet. J had more success on the diet pill than I did but has suffered a similar fate of gaining the weight back.

I am ready to take control of my life again. It is not something that can fall to the wayside anymore. Especially since I already feel my metabolism decreasing and I don’t want to be doing this battle when it becomes even more difficult to take the weight off. My health and physical well being has never been a priority for me and I am finally being slapped by the implications of that.

I have found I need more structure when it comes to weight loss. I do not have the discipline to only eat a certain amount or exercise regularly unless there is someone or something telling me to do it. And if I’m financially investing in my health I am not going to waste it. A friend of mine has been on WW for a bit and I know if I need someone to kick my butt she will do it.

J is more weary than I am. In his words, he “likes to eat.” But I have seen the look in his eyes when his pants don’t fit or his suit is too tight. And quite honestly, I’m worried for his health. He is a true country, meat and potatoes man who would rather eat everything fried. Both his grandfathers passed away at early ages and I don’t want the same for him. He may not strictly do the plan with me, but he will do enough since I will be doing the majority of the cooking.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, so I am going to use that as my official weigh-in. To keep myself accountable I’m going to track all my progress here. Hey! Maybe I’ll start posting recipes again, I haven’t done that in a long time.

To tomorrow, may it hold a brighter future.

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