Next Steps

17May14

I had my first counseling session. It was enlightening, it was hard, and it was absolutely necessary. She started with “tell me about you and why you are here.” It all tumbled out in some form or another and she pieced together what she needed to. Everything she said I needed to hear, she took everything I was feeling and put them into words.

She told me I had lost myself and I needed to find who I was. I had become engulfed in all the situations of my life and I needed to find what would make me happy. She kept asking me, “what would make you happy,” and I didn’t know how to answer her. Everything that would make me happy was out of my control. I needed to find something I could control that would make me happy. I needed to find my voice and stop shutting down and learn that it’s okay to give my opinion and have a view.

In light of that, I’ve been thinking of a few things that would make me happy. I’ve been thinking of volunteering at an animal shelter or rescue for a long time. Everyone has told me not to do it because I would bring home all the animals. But this isn’t their choice and I think it would give me more of a purpose, so I’m going to do it.

I also want to run a 5K. I hate running and I used to avoid it like the plague. I want to learn to like it. I want to get to a point where I don’t feel like I’m dying after 3 steps. I think it would make me feel better physically and mentally. Im going to do the Couch to 5K program. The key is actually starting. J doesn’t want to do it, so it’ll be me doing it alone. Finding the motivation by myself is so much harder. I have a few friends who said they will run the 5K with me, so that will keep me motivated. The goal would be for sometime next year I think. Give me plenty of time to train.

I need to get my eating back under control too. After the wedding last week I have been really relaxed with what I eat and I do not feel good about it. My body is less than pleased with me.

So that’s that. I go back in two weeks. I guess I have to tell work I that that’s what I am doing, there’s no way I can keep cutting out of work early without angering them.

Can I saw thank goodness it’s the weekend?!

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