New Ground

08Jul14

This hit home today, thank you Thought Catalog – What Single Feels Like

J moved out last week. The majority of his stuff is still in the house though, he doesn’t have a place to store it. He is getting a storage unit, but who knows when that will be. Like everything in this relationship, I pretty much need to just suck it up and deal. He is not proactive and drags his feet. There is no alternative for his stuff and I just have to maneuver my new life around it. Part of me is okay with it, part of me feels the old resentment. I pretty much do whatever will get me through the day. And I hope that’s enough.

It was strange being home knowing he was out doing whatever. And I had nowhere to go. I didn’t want anywhere to go. For the past month plus, I have been out of my house and all I wanted was to be able to go home. It’s not really home though, not with all the stuff there. I want to clean and purge, but I can’t. I have to be patient. I am tired of being patient. I want to flip over this new leaf, but by the time I get to it I am so overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done I just ignore it.

I didn’t used to be this person. I used to be an absolutely go-getter and tackled everything no matter how exhausted I was. Now, even if I am bored lying on the couch, I don’t want to move. I don’t want to deal with everything I have to deal with. I don’t like this person. The excitement of doing new things is gone and I have fallen back into lazy ways. I lost my kickstart and I am struggling to get it back.

Every day is a new day, I know this. But I don’t want to feel like I’m being left behind. Again.

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