Reflections are Good for the Soul

23Dec14

Can anyone believe we are two days from Christmas and nine from 2015?! This year has flown and I’m finally coming to the surface and catching my breath after the whirlwind. My entire life turned upside down and flipped itself back around. I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been. I have a new appreciation for life, love, people, and what you really need to be happy. Is everything where I would like it to be? Of course not. But I am damn more appreciative for everything I do have.

Weddings and Friendships – Many good friends found their other half and officially tied the knot this year. I was so honored to be a part of so many of them. I reconnected with friends I hadn’t seen in years and it was like no time had passed and we picked up right where we left off. Friendships were also tested this year and it has been an uphill battle to reclaim what was lost. There is a new understanding that everyone is going different ways but you can always come back to those closest to you.

Closing Chapters – I closed a very large chapter in my life this year. I walked away from a three year relationship that I had fought so hard to maintain. It took me a long time to realize I was fighting a losing battle and I could not succeed on my own. We needed to support each other and that didn’t happen. We were not right for each other and I had to finally admit that to myself. There were many revelations through this process – how many feelings I hid and just accepted for what they were; for finally removing the wool from my eyes and realizing nothing was going to change; learning who I was and knowing I didn’t have to settle for anything less than I deserve. I don’t have to just “take it” anymore, I can speak up and be direct about my feelings and what I want. I don’t have to hide behind anything or play into games, no one has time for that. I realized how long I had disconnected myself from this relationship and how long I had been lying to myself. But it was a transformation I needed to go through, I had to be ready to walk away. I have been able to talk honestly and openly with many friends affected by my choices and work on repairing them. It’s been a very enlightening process.

Starting New Ones – Figuring out who I was helped me to find who I was really looking for. An amazing man walked into my life when I least expected it and showed me what I deserved. I am so thankful every day that our paths crossed. When people say “things just clicked,” I never knew what they meant. Now I do. Things clicked, things are easy, we fit each other so well. We are able to work through our differences without compromising our relationship or ourselves. We support each other and I am so grateful for him. It’s been like night and day from what I walked away from. I know relationships are work, but it shouldn’t be as much work as what I was going through. And now I know why – when you find the person you just click with, the rest falls into place.

Taking Different Risks – I no longer feel like I just want to sit around and get by. I want to live, I want to take adventures, I want to be the best me I can possibly be. There is a new fire in me and I don’t ever want to let it go out again. I was too busy surviving for two that I forgot what else was out there. I am making a promise to myself to not let that happen again.

New in 2015 – Along those lines, I am setting some new goals for the new year. I am going to train for a half-marathon (YIKES) in September/October. A friend of mine and I have been talking about it for a long time. I want to prove I can actually do it. I tried Couch25K, but then my life fell apart and I stopped and had no real goal or motivation to pick it back up again. So, now’s the time where I need to learn to run more than 1 mile. It’s going to suck, and I’m not a runner but I want to learn to love running.

I also need to get back into shape. I let myself go way too much and I need to kick it back into gear. My roommates, bf and I are doing Whole30 in January. If you haven’t heard of it, I highly recommend you check it out. It’s a nutritional reset for your body where you cut out anything processed for 30 days. This includes grains, legumes, sugar, alcohol etc. I’m terrified but excited all at the same time. My body needs it, I’m tired of feeling blah and bloated all day every day and I’d like my clothes to fit comfortably again as opposed to me feeling stupid in everything. I am starting with this to hopefully get my body better in shape and more motivated to train.

I had way too many plans this year, to the point of not one breathing moment to do anything else but already scheduled plans. I want to be more mindful of my schedule and doing things for me, like volunteering at the animal shelter. It has been on my list of things to do for awhile but I could never find the time.

I have been incredibly lucky this year. INCREDIBLY lucky. I have an incredible support system who got me through some of the hardest times of my year. I am so thankful to have them in my life. I have made new friends and made lasting relationships stronger. It has been a turning year and I cannot wait for what the future has in store.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

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